4 months!

Eek! He's 4 months!

We have been really busy this month. The young man rolls onto his tummy from his back nearly every time you put him down. He smiles so much and also laughs! It is so cute!

You can now reach your feet to the floor in your walker. You love spinning this sphere thing that's on there.

You can pick up things! We hadn't been putting toys down on the floor with you because you were uninterested. Then, on 10/18 you were sitting with Papa in the chair and you tried to grab the remote. Since, we've put your toys in front of you and you grab and shake your rattles.

You are starting to like reading books with Mama now. Before, you didn't have very much patience, but these days (as long as you're not too tired), we can read several books and you seem to pay attention.

I don't want to jinx it, but we can usually put you down for naps or at night awake and you can put yourself to sleep. You usually go to bed for the night at 8:30, wakeup sometime between 11-2, then once more at 4-6. (AKA, you are waking up 2-3 times a night, up from once a night at 3 months). Now, we put you in your crib when you go to bed, after your first feed, and then at your second wakeup we bring you into the bed. We usually get up for the day between 8-10. Then, usually naps are at 10 or 12 depending on what time you got up, then 3, then 5ish. Mostly, you will nap for 45 minutes to an hour.

We are still breastfeeding and it's still going well. I think you sometimes get impatient when you have to wait for the milk to let down, so then you don't feed for as long during the day, and I think this has translated into your more frequent wake-ups and wanting to nurse all night long. I don't think you are ready to skip any night feedings since you don't eat too often during the day.

You met your uncle Rob and aunts/uncles/cousins from Mommy's side at your great-grandma Ruby's funeral. You did really well during the service, just looking around.

You've found your feet and grab at them frequently!

You can roll over both ways now! You would much rather be on your tummy these days, and you can scoot yourself around a bit.

You're wearing all 3-6 month clothes now.

You're still my smiley baby, and even laugh now. That melts Mama's heart. You have the sweetest little giggle.

Mama loves you more than anything in the whole entire world!

Love and loss

My dad passed away on June 11, 2007. He was 53 years old, and I was a mere 17 and SO not ready to lose my father. I think about him frequently, especially since Max was born. My dad, while he had his faults, was fun and loving and would have made the perfect grandpa for my son. I can't help but feeling robbed of this, and feeling that my son was robbed as well. Robbed by whom, I don't know, and I don't blame anyone or anything, but it's hard not to be bitter.

Anyway, my grandmother (my dad's mom) passed away on Friday morning. She was 90 and her quality of life had diminished significantly, both physically and cognitively. Ever since my dad died, Grandma rarely remembered that he was gone, especially in the past year. Max and I had been there about 3 weeks prior and she refused to get out of bed. She loved the baby so this was totally out of character. Then, last week, she looked in a corner told my aunt that "they" were waiting for her. When my aunt asked who, my grandmother told her that [grandma's] parents and brothers were there. Grandma then whipped her head back to the corner. My aunt asked her if someone else was there... and my grandma said, "yes, Steve!"

On Monday night, after clinical I decided to go to my grandparents' since I knew Grandma was not doing so well. While driving, I tried to call my mom, whom I have on speed dial. She didn't answer, so I was scrolling down my contacts to find her house number. Usually, I would open the slider and press the letter, but since I was driving, I figured it would be better to have a hand on the wheel. All of a sudden, I noticed it had stopped scrolling, so I glanced down to see what the heck the deal was. I looked and gasped. All I saw was "Dad". I had inadvertantly clicked on his number, which after four and a half years I still keep in my phone. Instantly, I knew Dad was with me.

I know my dad is out there, or up there, or wherever. But he is there. No one can tell me that he was not present in the car that night, or that he wasn't with my grandma a few nights before. It is bittersweet to have this knowledge... knowing he is so close but unable to hug him, to hand him his first grandchild, to laugh at his dumb jokes.

TIBMTD: October

1. Work on Max's scrapbook.
2. Cook actual meals for dinner on the days I don't work or have school.
3. Print off wallet size prints of his 3 month photo.
4. Attend class every day it is in session.

TIBMTD: September UPDATE

1. Call to get this medical bill I have sorted out. I think there was a mess up with my insurance, but I need to call and see if it is or if I need to pay it. Done! (And it was an insurance mess-up)
2. Fold/ hang up every load of laundry I do right after it's dry so we don't have 3-4 baskets of clean clothes sitting unfolded in our bedroom. I've been pretty good about folding hanging clean stuff, but I've been pretty behind on the washing/drying part. I'm going to give myself a half-done.
3. Get a few more pages of Max's first scrapbook done. Not done. Not done at all.
4. Update the baby book! Mostly done... there are some parts that I don't know what to write.