He turns 1 tomorrow

...and I have no idea how. I was thinking about how my little Maximilian came to be in this world, and I have no idea how we got so lucky. I had a relatively easy pregnancy; I probably only got physically sick 10 times or so. I remember driving to the Dollar Tree to buy a pregnancy test at 10pm because I was starting to feel yucky, going home and watching a couple episodes of Nip/Tuck with AJ.. then at like 2am taking a pregnancy test and being in complete shock. I mean, SHOCK. We had been trying for 4-5 months, but I was starting to think it wouldn't happen. I remember when I first felt him move in my tummy on Valentine's day. I remember seeing him via ultrasound go from a shrimp-looking alien, to a little gummy bear, to a black and white 2 dimensional picture of my baby that I was so anxious to actually SEE him. When the ultrasound tech told us that he had hair at his like 36 week ultrasound, I was in awe. I guess I knew that some babies had hair, but I hadn't thought about what my baby's hair growth would be. Black? Brown? Blonde? It was dark brown when he was born, but now it is more strawberry blonde. His eyes went from ruddy and cross eyed (but damned cute!) dark blue to a lively, lighter blue. He is now walking most of the time. I don't know how or why my mind can't save all the little things that he's done, but he keeps on going to bigger, better things. I remember the first time I breastfed him in the hospital, when all he needed was me. I took for granted when he just needed and wanted me 24/7. Now I wish he needed me more, wish I could sit all day just holding him like I did then. I want to be the only ones awake at 5:30 in the morning, both of us half asleep in the recliner in the living room watching Country Girl and Homeboy videos on the CMT Top 20 Video Countdown. I was so frazzled then, catching an hour of sleep at a time. Now my big ol' one year old usually sleeps at least from 8:30-5 or 6 straight. He has changed so much, both in appearance and personality. He can say ball, book, mama, and dada. His words just erupted the past couple weeks. He still loves reading books. I hope he will always love books. He can also point to eyes, mouth, nose, ears, and stick his tongue out when you ask him to. I am just so sad, because if the past year has gone this fast, this next year will go just as fast. And before I know he'll start kindergarten, then he'll be learning to drive, then graduating from college, then getting married and having a little one of his own. My heart hurts thinking about it. I am so excited for these things, but I just want to live all these experiences with him a little more slowly. I'm sure I've already forgotten a lot of little things that he's done. I just want to fully enjoy every minute. I want to be able to hit pause when he lays his little head on my shoulder, or gives me a kiss when I ask him to. I will love my son as long as I'm alive; he will always be my baby.